As I sit on this flight, a wonder in itself because it was something humans didn’t think was possible at one point in time. More than a hundred people suspended in the air, flying. Humans have always bent the rules in their favour. With my luck I am sitting in a seat where the TV doesn’t work, neither does the USB port. You win some, you lose some. I was so fixated on hoping that the person sitting in front of me wouldn’t recline that instead the fates took away my in-flight entertainment.

The low lights are on, and as people figure out what they’re going to do till the next meal is served I sit here writing this, waiting for sleep to take over. It’s an eight-hour flight to Mumbai, where I’ll have to make a transit, so there’s time to kill. I suppose I should be happy, but all I am is nervous. I am moving on to the next thing on my agenda even before I’ve made a touch down at home. I am hoping to get a head start on my assignments that are due in April. I have three. It’s like the assignments just don’t stop.

I like writing on flights, especially because you get to listen to your thoughts without trying and without interruptions. I can’t wait to be home, it’s childish to say it, but I have really missed my mother’s cooking and now that I’ve been away for a bit, it feels exciting and worth it. Luckily, I have good music for company at least, I am not completely out of entertainment. 

Returning is always better than leaving. That’s how I see it, you always return feeling a bit better but you leave reluctantly. I will miss London. Maybe because this time around I made better memories for myself, and I did what I had originally come there to do. So now on this flight, I don’t carry guilt, or fear I carry with me instead a sense of accomplishment. 

A thousand miles or more above the ground, things are a bit easier. The Earth is a mess. The stratosphere is empty, it’s got clarity. But flying doesn’t agree with me, because I feel motion sick. As I write about it, the turbulence makes it hard for me to concentrate on thinking. I’ve got more than four hours to go but I already feel queasy.

It doesn’t help that at Mumbai I’ll be catching another flight that’ll take me to Bangalore. I’m trying to sleep but my eyes don’t feel heavy. My head hurts but I am alert and awake. I want to get in at least two hours of sleep before I land because it’ll be tough otherwise, I’ll be suffering from jet lag for the rest of the day.

The air hostesses on this particular flight are quite unfriendly if I am being honest. They seem curt and unapproachable. I am never concerned about air hostesses, I don’t pay them much attention but this time I am not able to ignore them. The flight smells too which doesn’t help my motion sickness in the slightest.

The lights have been dimmed and the people have hidden behind their blankets, and the ones who fall asleep easily are far away in dream land. I try to look around sighing and unable to sleep or watch anything thanks to my seat. Long flights feel longer when you have nothing to do. I guess I just wasn’t lucky enough this time. Or maybe I am just excited to go home.

I am wondering if anything would have changed, if something is going to take me by suprise when I get back. I also hope it’s a fairly smooth journey. I just want to get home and eat. It’s a shame really that I like travelling but i don’t like cars or flights. In the future when I have to travel will I still feel this uncomfortable. When I was young I was told I would grow out of it. But I haven’t yet.

Flights are particularly bad, and the proximity to so many people at once just ramps up the anxiety. Actually flying is anxiety-inducing, you worry about plane crashes, being on time, your luggage getting lost, missing the flight, some delay, misplacing your documents, getting stopped by security, there’s just so much to stress about.

Some people get through it effortlessly but people like me who find basic day-to-day activities stressful, flying is really a challenge. I am always on guard when I fly, my senses seem heightened like an animal ready to flee. My thoughts get jumbled and I am constantly feeling breahtless.

The flight is shaking again, and the air pressure is starting to bother me, I am going to try in vain to sleep. Get me home soon.


One thought on “Homebound

  1. Poonacha PG says:

    Nicely shared experiences to make one a more robust and a better human! “Actually flying is anxiety-inducing, you worry about plane crashes, being on time, your luggage getting lost, missing the flight, some delay, misplacing your documents, getting stopped by security, there’s just so much to stress about.” Is life’s journey any different? Keep writing more.


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