There’s nothing more refreshing than a good day dream. Sometimes I find myself gazing into nothingness and when I snap out of it, it takes me a second or two to remember where I am and why I am there. I feel as if I’ve spent half my life being productive and the other half daydreaming. I wish I could call it a passion, but unfortunately career counsellors may not encourage one to put that down on a resume.
I don’t completely get why daydreaming is not recommended. I know it means someone isn’t paying attention, but wouldn’t that imply that the person speaking to me must be able to hold my attention without having to guilt me into listening to them? When you live alone though you seem to find yourself mostly daydreaming when you’re not working or doing your chores.
It’s cold and I’d like nothing more than to curl up in my blanket, put on my headphones and read. To avoid the call of laziness, I am doing my laundry and thinking of stepping out into the cold to wake myself up. I dread to think about the wind in my face. I know it’s not as cold here as it is in other parts of the world, but I don’t enjoy the cold, period.
I wish I could say I have plans since it’s Friday but all I really have is a long list of activities and none of them involves any fun. Even if this list was a word search puzzle you’d find it hard to locate the word ‘fun’ in any way you choose to look at it. Of course, I’ve been thinking of home, who doesn’t when they don’t have someone to clean up after them? Whenever I must do a chore is when I am the most homesick.
This week has been mostly about keeping my head down and studying along with making several trips to the store because I kept forgetting there was something I needed to buy. It was only yesterday that I was able to overpower my lazy self and make a grocery list. It has also been a week where I’ve lost creativity in my cooking. I wouldn’t feed what I made this week to my worst enemy. Honestly, this is the most amount of bread I have ever had in my life. Since I am a rice-eater it has not been ideal.
It’s only when you do everything for yourself and have nobody to depend on that you realise how picky and annoying you can be. When someone else has to deal with your drama and diva behaviour it’s fine, it’s their problem. But when you’re left in your own care you find that you’re not an easy person to take care of. You seem to have all the expensive tastes without any of the money, you want all the food without doing any cooking and you want everything to be clean without cleaning anything.
Now when I wake up in the morning and go to the kitchen to find that a jar is empty or I have run out of something I try to tell myself to make do but I also wish I was more observant. I often tell my mother about this and she laughs, it’s because she did all of this for three other people other than herself. I think she’s relieved she has kids now who’ve grown up. We’re still demanding, but at least now we can relate.
With my headphones on my head I’m moving forward, one day at a time. I never thought I’d be able to do it. I used to daydream about my future wearing my headphones, I even daydreamed about owning a pair of headphones. Daydreams aren’t always larger than life, they are just thoughts accompanied by images. They are those thoughts that you’d rather think about in that moment which brings you comfort and joy.
I always chased after the dreams I saw with my eyes closed and I am still chasing after them. But it’s all those dreams I saw with my eyes open that came true without me paying attention. My friends ask whether wearing headphones makes me unapproachable and my sister asks why I am always wearing them. I am not trying to shut the world out, I am just trying to listen to my own thoughts.
From one daydreamer to another, here’s a pro-tip, if you wear headphones while daydreaming nobody can blame you for not listening to them. You’re welcome.