I’ll be asleep when the clock strikes twelve. So maybe it’s a good thing I am writing this now. Every New Year’s eve the world tries to keep me up, you can hear the music loud and clear of the new year party in the neighbourhood. When I hear the countdown begin I get excited that finally the music will stop and I can have a good night’s sleep.
Maybe the new year is a big deal, but it’s just going to be another year right? What are we celebrating? Or are we just celebrating it for the sake of it, because we do so every year? I don’t know. It’s safe to say that nothing good plays on TV on New year’s eve. You need to fend for yourself in the entertainment department. It’s nice if you have parties to attend, but people like me rarely get invites and rarely accept an invite if and when we get one. This time the New year’s eve has landed on a Monday, it’s kind of ironic, isn’t it?
I guess my countdown ends today too, my gap year has successfully ended. Is that something worth celebrating? I am filled with unexplainable emotions because this year hasn’t been easy for sure. But it was still easily one of my most productive and eventful years. So much happened that I can recall now.
People are all looking back and reflecting, but I want to look forward. This year was special and I realised I can survive. I learnt to love the person I am and accept my flaws. I stared at life in the eye and won the showdown. It was nerve-wrecking.
I am carrying a bunch of memories that life handed me as keepsakes. I will preserve them. I don’t know if I am ready for next year, I will know tomorrow. I spent my New Year’s eve with my best friends who’ve stuck with me through school. We’ve seen some major ups and downs and this year has taken its toll on all three of us.
I don’t regret anything, which is surprising for me. I savoured each moment and even the tough times were memorable. I think there was history created this year, a history we must take note of. Society addressed some issues and brushed others under the rug. We discovered some new prejudices and changed some perspectives, we discovered new psychopaths and caught a few. We found new people to take the mickey out of and handed power to more undeserving people.
The limit isn’t the sun, it’s our fears. Tonight as I curl up under the rug on this winter night and the DJ drops the beat in our clubhouse I will wish myself all the best for surviving 2018 and seeing it through to the end. I have no resolutions, I already have a backlog of resolutions that have collected over the years.
2019 is another Pandora’s box we open tonight, so let’s breathe easy before facing whatever’s inside. Now when I replay 2018 in my head I think back to little funny incidents like during my first Yoga class when I approached it with confidence then realised I was not in good shape…at all.
I remember sitting on my porch drinking coffee in the morning sun. I remember preparing a list for things to do in my gap year on which number one was – “Have fun” in bold. Anybody who has to include that on a to-do list must really be desperate for fun. I remember the smell of Mum when she hugged me as I cried, holding me when I couldn’t hold myself up.
I remember the messages my best friends sent me, telling me they were there, dropping everything just to be there for me. I remember the questions I avoided, I remember trying to hide from relatives. I remember the snide comments from extended family members, their satisfaction at my pitfalls. I remember deciding the theme for this blog, questioning every word in that first post. I remember thinking no one wanted to hear what I had to say.
I remember the first peanut butter I bought when I had no appetite. I remember the yoghurt brand I found comfort in. I remember my misadventures with friends. Getting over the past wasn’t easy, explaining my story was harder. I remember the first job I did, the first Sudoku puzzle, every cake I baked and dish I cooked. I also remember every panic attack, every tremble and every tear.
I remember finding the courage to introduce myself to new people. I made new friends, reconnected with old ones. I discovered new haunts and visited old ones. I remember the hesitance to stand on a weighing scale too. So much happened, so many irrelevant things that add up to make 2018. And 2019 holds promise, a promise of a slightly better situation, more growth, new stories, new people.
2018 is unforgettable. I am a pessimistic person so I have doubts, but that’s just natural. Tonight some of you will spend it with your friends, family, boyfriend/girlfriend or even alone, you might have plans or maybe not. Enjoy it, because we can’t predict tomorrow. Happy New year! I’ll see you on the other side.