More than merry

Merry Christmas to all! It doesn’t resemble winter today, it’s sunnier than a summer day. But people here pretend cotton is snow and only those playing Santa must sweat in their suits. This week will be a train wreck where work and life will collide in the most explosive way. Next week is show time, I’ll be on my way.

People are going around saying things like, “New year, new me!” I know it’ll be the same them and they know it too but what’s the harm in saying it? I’ve been finding it hard to make time for work and my friends. Well, it’s not easy when you’re planning travel. It’s also not as if they have all the time in the world to spare for you. But that’s adulthood, we take what we can get.

I remember as kids holidays were beautiful and blissful, no interruptions, any time a friend asked if you were free you didn’t have to check a calendar. That convenience is gone, every hour and every minute now is precious and in between that if you get time to breathe you’re living your best life yet.

I now get jealous when people say the word – vacation. Vacation is now as good as an urban legend. Everybody talks about it, everybody believes in it, but somehow we’ve not witnessed it. I remember on the last day before the summer holidays in 10th grade, a teacher sadistically told us, “Enjoy this vacation thoroughly, this is your last one.” We did not take it seriously. I for one spent that vacation being bored like boredom was an activity. I spent it complaining to my parents that I had nothing to do, reading, and watching reruns.

In hindsight, I should have heeded her words. I just thought she was being creepy, but I grew up and now I tell my cousins they’re never getting that time back. I am right now the centre of my universe. There are bigger things happening around me, political upheavals, legal battles, corruption, human rights violations, but, my gap year ending is all I am painfully aware of.

It’s sad, and I’m not proud of it, but I’m not being anything more than human. For some reason, people I know are overly eager to know what’s happening in my life at the end of the year. I’m talking about those people who appear in my chats once a year to compare their lives to mine. It’s called, “catching up”. I have to try and make my life sound interesting and they try to make theirs sound better. We play that game until we run out of lies, wish each other all the best and then do the same thing next year.

This time of the year we all look back, we try and take our pitfalls with a pinch of salt, and ponder on all the wasted time. It’s the good moments that take time to appear in our memories. We so badly want to remember what we enjoyed but our conscience highlights what we would rather ignore or forget. It’s just instinct.

I guess in a way it’s a merry Christmas, and my gift is that I am in a better place in my life compared to where I was at the start of 2018. It’s what I wanted so I am feeling thankful. I have never really known how to be or how to feel on Christmas because I never paid attention to it. It’s just this year that this Christmas has brought something with it, a journey.

Every Christmas I spent in India, I missed the snow. They always show in Hollywood movies. I never knew that feeling, last year I didn’t get much time to experience it the way I’d have liked to. Hopefully, in 2019, I’ll finally be able to enjoy it. That would be amazing. Christmas in a way is a special time because the year always ends with my sister’s birthday. I have something that keeps me attached to December. In recent years, December gave me three reasons to be attached to it and now December has become an important month of my life, without me realising it.

As I write this blog, I need to mention this in all the Christmas spirit, I’ll probably mention it again, soon but I was discussing this year with my mother yesterday, and I said, “One of the best decisions I made in 2018 was to begin this blog.” I stand by what I said, 2018 has been kind to me and this blog played a very important role in helping me fight against everything that held me back, the depression, anxiety and OCD.

The blog kept me going, it was a break from life, interacting with all those who wrote to me, who reached out and also read my posts from afar. I thank each and everyone who has read my blog, those who’ve read everything, those who have only read one post and those who will one day read this. This blog gave me much-needed strength, inspiration and determination.

To be honest, I’m really surprised I’ve written so many posts. I hope we share more years like this, where I rant, say some childish stuff, sometimes irrelevant things, and once in a while accidentally end up being intelligent.

Thank you and hope everyone has a more than merry Christmas!


3 thoughts on “More than merry

  1. Poonacha PG says:

    Wish you a very happy 2019. Look forward to your posts and other writings. Keep sharing and thanks for your promise! “I hope we share more years like this, where I rant, say some childish stuff, sometimes irrelevant things, and once in a while accidentally end up being intelligent.”


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