Sweater weather

Winter and I don’t get along. When winter starts, I begin to turn into a much more unkempt and angry version of myself. It’s a metamorphosis of sorts. But it has begun, that time of year when I look forward to blistering heat and cold drinks. 

What’s more is that it’s the last month of my Gap year, it’s time to hit the road and continue on with life. Luckily I have enough work and events piled to keep me busy to not dwell on the emotions. Before I know it, it will turn into January, and the comfort of home will once more be a memory to look forward to, something only the holidays will bring. 

Adulthood beckons as the fog outside grows thicker. I’ve seen different shades of winter, in the city, in the hills, in the north of the country and in the West. They are all different shades mind you, like varying shades of blue that only some people can recognise. Also, they all vary in temperatures and from warm to cold in exactly that order. As life took me places it was like levels in a game, you’re ready for the next when you pass the one you’re in. As you go higher up, it gets colder. 

In all those places winter is to be tackled in different ways, and  has different things to look forward to. I have three birthdays to celebrate, that are close to my heart and I have packing to finish, gifts to plan and travelling to do. Amidst the hustle I just want to sit and be carefree. Unfortunately, that’s not really an option. 

It’s funny to think that next year is so close, it seemed pretty far away in January. That’s the sad thing about time. The Christmas decorations are out, and it’s nice to see people looking forward to it. We don’t particularly celebrate Christmas so it’s going to be a pretty basic end of the year. 

While the atmosphere is great, the cold is not, honestly I could do without the chapped lips and dry skin. It’s almost painful, I’ve always had a problem of excessively dry skin. The problem gets aggravated in winter. Ergo I have developed a slight grudge for winters. I don’t like wearing layers because either I am too warm or not warm enough, it’s terrible. I don’t enjoy big, thick blankets, I don’t enjoy any of it really. 

There are some people who enjoy all of it, and they are some of the most optimistic people I know. Only they who have extreme faith in the universe can choose to love the cold weather, seeing the joy in it, while I sit in my sweater unhappy and mourning the loss of the sun. If the Grinch was real, it would be me, except I’d be worse. 

For me winters were always a break from school, that was one redeeming feature of the weather. The Christmas holidays inspired some excitement and much-needed stress relief. Most probably we’d travel during that time to our hometown in the hills which would be much colder than where we live. That’s the only time when I put up with the cold because the winter made the place look so pretty, imagine clouds on earth. If there is a place where the land and sky could be one, it is there. 

This winter is perhaps one of the most significant winters of my life, I’ll probably never forget it because it will be the final month of the best year of my life. This I am sure of. I have birthday plans to make, have to avoid catching a cold and prepare for the uncertainty of next year. Surely next year will bring big things, enormous changes and new stories in my life.

For now, it’s still 2018, so I have a while to go, thankfully. I can’t celebrate just yet, it’s the last leg. Honestly, it would all be fine, if not for the weather. That is never going to change, I can’t sugar-coat it. Winter is perhaps my most unproductive time of the year. I give up trying to look happy because the weather constantly reminds me that I can’t be. Unfortunately even the sun is on holiday when the winter comes around. 

I haven’t started thinking about my new year’s resolution yet. People always ask me as if it’s an exciting thing and they are always the same people every year. You’d think by now they’d know my answer.

I always want to say something totally irrelevant and mess with them. There are some really commendable people in this world who make the most appreciative resolutions and at least try hard to keep them. Then there are those who make proud declarations, resolutions like changing their entire life and forget about them the next day. I don’t make any resolutions because I have enough to do already. Trust me I know what I need to do, it’s a low benchmark when you decide to do just one thing of the many. 

As I sit here with my feet freezing, I find it hard to think. It’s sweater weather, and it’s bitter-sweet. I want 2019 to be better, no, let me correct that, I want to be better in 2019. A part of me hopes this year doesn’t end, but the other part of me knows that the right thing would be for it to end. I suppose when it does end I’ll know whether I am ready for the rest of my life. 


4 thoughts on “Sweater weather

  1. Poonacha PG says:

    Hope adulthood helps you become more comfortable with all your discomforts including sweater weather! I like the way you reflect on such issues. Keep reflecting more and write more.

    “There’s so much
    Yet to be done
    So much left to learn
    Love yet to be found
    And earned”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. sachith says:

    “I want 2019 to be better, no, let me correct that, I want to be better in 2019.”
    – that was touching
    “A part of me hopes this year doesn’t end, but the other part of me knows that the right thing would be for it to end. I suppose when it does end I’ll know whether I am ready for the rest of my life.” – yup i feel you…
    just a pleasure to read your work and a great way to spend a saturday evening…good luck.


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