Needing sleep

I’ll begin this post with an understatement, I am tired. The weekend’s done, I’m well into Monday but unfortunately, I’m sick. This year, until now I had avoided being terribly sick, but now I am. I am tied to a bed and am clinging to a hanky as I write this. My body had forgotten what being sick felt like. That itch at the back of your throat, your body temperature never being right, too much light bothers you and moving even an inch is a labourious task.

My sleep for the past few nights has been interrupted by coughs and a blocked nose. It hasn’t been easy. I don’t know about the world, but one of the side-effects of this illness has been vivid dreams that make no sense, psychedelic dreams. I am not enjoying it. As someone who is currently running on low sleep, and low energy please forgive any incoherence you might find in this post.

Except for bathroom breaks I’ve been on this bed just watching movies with below average ratings because my mind can’t process much more than in-your-face comedy. When I’m sick I don’t interact so I am happy I’ve been left alone through this time. The bed I’m lying on is one I have spent many sick days on, except now I am allowed to have a laptop around me while I’m sick.

I remember when I had no phone and no electronic device to entertain me while I was sick. It was just me and the ceiling having a staring competition. It would have been fine if I slept but I’m not much of a sleeper. The only time I had any interaction was when my parents came to check on me or give me my meals. Those days being sick was excruciating. Your immunity tends to grow after a point when your tolerance for being sick improves.

In those days this room didn’t even have a clock in it, now it’s quite well-equipped to keep me busy. I don’t like being sick mostly because of the restlessness. I hate being in one place too long and when you’re sick you can’t move in spite of yourself. In a couple of days I know I’ll be back to normal, breathing through my nose and not my mouth. My facial muscles are frozen, and my tongue is numb to taste.

This week has started off with the wrong momentum. I do hope things pick up for me. When you’re sick nothing is funny anymore, every word entering your ear stops making sense. The only things I can hear are my heavy breaths and my heart drumming in my ears. I am feeling hot and cold at the same time, and lifting a toe makes me hurt everywhere I kid you not.

Every time I get sick I become philosophical, I start contemplating life and world issues. I am suddenly curious to learn new words and educate myself. I start reading sad poetry and arguing with myself over culture and society. I want to understand what the purpose of everything is. In other words, it’s an existential crisis and a lot of whining. You only realise time really passing by when you’re sick. Seconds seem like hours. I found myself waiting for night to arrive. Not that sleeping is any better, but I just want the day to end so I can feel better the next day.

The process of getting better is torturous, it’s so much work. The biggest scam is the lozenge. You think it will give you relief, but it’s a temporary burning in your throat and then you’re back to croaking and hacking. A lozenge is a glorified candy, it’s something to keep you busy while you contemplate why you’re sick and what you ever did to deserve this. It only gets worse before it gets better. Recovery is a slow uphill climb and you need to endure it.

I guess things aren’t all that bleak, my parents are nicer to me when I am sick. They help with the tiny things and I get more time to think. Plus, if I was to get sick I might as well get it over with so that I don’t have to be sick later. It was coming anyway. There are always small blessings like the cupboard being stocked with snacks I like, and not having anything particularly important to do.

I know tomorrow will be a better day, tomorrow the pain and ache will reduce and my throat will be far better. It’s not anything I can’t handle, it’s annoying, sure, but it’s not so bad. I just can’t wait to sleep without discomfort and would be overjoyed if I wasn’t sneezing every two minutes. For the first time, I am excited about being able to breathe through my nose, we take breathing for granted, breathing deserves more credit than we give it. It’d be nice to be rid of the red nose and swollen eyes also I’d like my appetite back, thank you very much.


3 thoughts on “Needing sleep

  1. Poonacha PG says:

    Throw the computer, throw the phone, stare at the ceiling and stare at the watch for some time. Believe me, you will get sleep and freedom from weird dreams. You may even suffer from happy sleep and good health soon!


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