As my gap year reaches its close day by day, I have things I need to get done. Thankfully, I’m seeing the list shorten. What I am also seeing is that the world is finding it just as hard to cope with circumstances. The Indian Supreme Court continues to surprise me, every day I wake up to another jaded law knocked down. Could this be because our Chief Justice is retiring next week? I am not sure what’s driving the sudden sense of urgency to change regressive laws that in my opinion should have been struck down years ago.
With every passing day, I see politics getting murkier, and it’s not just a problem that afflicts my country. I watched the hearings on the Kavanaugh case, staying up late in the night to watch the whole thing play out. It bothers me that everywhere it’s the same notion about sexual harassment that prevails. The more powerful the person, the easier it is for them to get their way. Luckily there are still those who have the common sense to understand what’s happening.
One after another, cases are coming out, new problems are emerging and the social fabric once again faces wear and tear. I was editing an article for my grandfather, a man with some strong opinions. On a political and ideological level, I don’t agree with him, because we see the world differently. In the article, as much as I could I tried to not let certain things get under my skin, certain phrases that reflected his deep-seated grudge against people in history. There were some places where I had to change certain harsh statements because they were out of the purview of the article.
The more I watch debates on the news and the more I come in contact with the world I find myself wanting to push for what I feel, wanting to argue with them and be heard not sidelined. There have been many conversations at home that have questioned where my loyalties lie on the political front, for joining a specific institution, reading a certain kind of literature and always having to justify it. My extended family has at times scoffed at my opinions wondering why I don’t support certain ideas or opinions. I usually don’t engage in such arguments because I respect them and I am much younger than them, but whatever I do otherwise is never affected even for a moment by what they might think about it. Honestly, it doesn’t matter to me.
Many posts on this blog, have brought questions from people who I know, as to why I speak so openly, sometimes concerned that I might be speaking too much. The more I watch what happens in this world I know that they’ll have issues with you whether you speak and even if you don’t speak a word. Over the past few days, I’ve realised that mentally I am fighting back for others, but I am not fighting back in my own environment for myself.
It’s tough to live in this time and be quiet. From a time of silencing, we’ve moved into a time of speaking. Why are we fighting that? We have to live from day to day, one after another, and I don’t know if I can lead a passive existence. Sometimes I feel like I am, but somehow if anything happens in the political space I am suddenly overwhelmed with this feeling that I am somehow involved.
I wanted to be a journalist because I wanted to connect the world, to inform people not about what I thought but about what was happening, so that everyone had the access to information. Now I don’t really know, it’s sad to watch what happens. Even when the court makes good decisions, there is so much outrage. I see people celebrating but I also see people living like nothing changed, who continue living like the same laws still exist. You can change laws, you can get justice but you can’t change people.
I see the Supreme Court rushing to dismantle conservative laws, and I am enjoying it. But next week, when a new Chiej Justice comes into the picture, will have to go back to square one? It took a while even for the current Chief Justice to do this. It’s not too different in the other countries, they’re just as much of a mess. The hearings in the past few days have drained me. I can’t stop thinking about how twisted people can be, that justice comes at the price of your dignity. Why does the one who has been wronged have to pay the higher price? All of this, just one after another.