Weeks pass by, coming and going. One ends and a new one begins. Life remains as it was. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. When Thursday comes around I always have very little energy. It’s the one day in the week that I don’t bother about. It’s just another day. It’s that day of the week when the food loses inspiration and work proceeds uneventfully. Friday is a scramble for lost time. If Thursday were a person he or she would be the epitome of ordinary and completely in the shadows. Its older popular sibling Friday would constantly steal its thunder. That would be Thursday’s life.
The only time Thursday is actually interesting is if it’s a public holiday. But unfortunately this time Thursday didn’t have such luck. Sometimes days drop you hints that it’s going to go badly. We just refuse to pick up these hints because we’re too busy living. I’ll give you a piece of unsolicited advice if you wake up already bored and tired with the day go back to sleep. The day went by dropping hints, like sitting on a wet seat in the bus, I mean it’s a bus, you don’t know what really made that seat wet do you? You just have to tell yourself it’s water and move on hoping your immunity is strong enough. My laptop decided to run updates when I opened it at work. The process takes so long. Literally, everything that could go wrong did, as Murphy rightly predicted.
Basically, I had a string of small misfortunes and now sitting in front of my laptop writing this piece as BTS plays in the background I feel as accomplished as a potato. I am not expecting this day to turn around any time soon or at all for that matter. I’ve been looking for silver linings though and found some validation through some very useful emails that put my gap year in perspective. So I thought after reading the mail that the day would get better. Thursday, of course, had the last laugh.
You know I often forget that I have to be my own source of excitement. I’ve never been good at entertaining myself. I get easily distracted and just as easily bored. Every time this happens I return to my shell and just stay inside until I am bored enough to come outside. It can be a new language, a new culture, new food, anything but I can’t stay still in one place. This week I did things differently, I paid more attention to my surroundings and I felt like I was part of something bigger than me. Taking a break from the usual is just as important as keeping oneself busy. Then Thursday came along and ruined it.
Thursdays hold very little meaning to me, of the seven days in the week the only thing that Thursday does is act as a buffer, the time to wrap your week up basically. I’m looking forward to Friday and the weekend. It’s been a busy week, ticking things off the checklist. I see progress in myself, and in how I respond to things but it’s always tough to go the next inch. I’ve been caught up in other things, such as thinking about what I’ll do after this particular fellowship. How’s it going to be? Will things go back to where they were and if they do will I be ok with that?
I don’t really have the answers to these questions. My predicament lies in getting over the fact that the I am no longer living on borrowed time. It’s still hard for me to accept that my life is my time and no one can decide for me how to spend it and on what. Those days are over. I am trying not to see this gap year as a time-bound portion of my life after which everything will return to the way it was. That is precisely what I don’t want. I want things to change for me, I deserve better from myself.
Everything will get over at some point, but I am strong enough to deal with the void. I am ready to face uncertainty. My heart still beats extremely loud when I think of the time after this gap year or for that matter the next month, but I’ve come far enough to know that the horizon is never where the world ends. If the sun sets over the horizon it rises over the horizon as well. I’d like to say, “Seize the day!” but really, just let it go. Today was not my day, and let’s be honest, most days aren’t. It doesn’t matter unless you want it to matter.
Every day cannot be interesting, but days that are not interesting don’t count as bad days. My sister expresses this feeling as ‘blah’. That’s what this is, I am feeling ‘blah’. The birds chirped lesser today, the wind didn’t blow in my direction, and it rained the minute I set foot off the bus. Not to mention the sun showed up the minute I shut the front door. I found a rip in my dress, I tripped over thin air on a busy street and everybody turned to look. Yeah, all this happened and now I just have to breathe and tell Thursday that I am done with it. Next Thursday will be different, but I’m guessing I won’t really remember it because next Friday will be ten times better.