One day before valentine’s day I contemplate the drama behind love. It’s a feeling everyone wants to feel and a feeling nobody understands. There is no easy definition of love and it might be good to ask whether there really needs to be one. Valentine’s day has never been my cup of tea. I have found it unnecessary, somehow showy and very unappealing. You should know I don’t have enough experience with love to talk about it confidently and associate it with my ideas and my understanding of it. I am no expert on love, I actually don’t understand it.
People a lot of the time see love as something given and taken. That would be too simple a definition of love I would think. Why would anyone give their love in the first place? What confuses me, even more, is the concept of the ‘one true love’. What is ‘true love‘? I should think that if someone loves somebody then it must be true, how can you call it love if it isn’t true? I think people are very gullible. I know I have been. My track record with love has been abysmal if anything. Yes, there were some highs, but mostly I’ve been very bad with it. I just couldn’t handle the sheer magnitude of love as a feeling. I hope that isn’t too poetic.
When I was a child I used to think ‘love’ is an adult feeling, and not to be felt by children. I used to wonder how one could be attracted to anybody else, why was it even necessary? Slowly as I grew I thought love was a person when I was a teenager. I equated love with people and what they meant to me. Adele and Beyonce were my teachers on what love was. I saw heartbreak even when the other person wasn’t to blame. I didn’t even know what I felt was love until much later. I equated love with Harry Potter and with him I grew up, looking for my Harry Potter in crowds picking apart people by those yardsticks. If I read some book, I wanted my love or lover to be like one of those characters. More than anything I wanted to be somebody’s, Ginny Weasley. It was tough because life is not like that. And it wasn’t until much later I realised it wasn’t.
When I became a little older, I wondered what it felt like to fall in love. I wondered why I had never felt the feeling. Friends seemed to have felt the emotion and I was still wondering if love did in fact exist. I wanted to know as well as they did. But I realised they were just as confused as I was. In parallel there was this question of whether love always led to marriage, was there supposed to be just one love? More importantly, I realised there were different kinds of love. I learnt to respect that love crossed all sorts of barriers, gender, age, caste, class, borders, everything. The biggest question yet was, is love just a physical emotion or something more? I could never get a handle on love.
I don’t think I understand love today either, I am still as clueless. I am still trying to define love for myself. It could be somebody, it could be a feeling or just luck. I don’t know. I am hesitant to use those words wondering every time if I mean them. I know I love my parents and my sister, I know I love Oscar Wilde and Harry Potter. But none of that is the same. I love them all in different ways.
Every Valentine’s day I wonder why everybody is so obsessed with love and if you really do love someone why is the only way to show it a huge gesture? Are chocolates, candlelight dinners, gifts, and roses the only symbols of love? I won’t judge anybody, but I would think that if you loved somebody every day it would be evident. You’d treat that person well every day, with trust and respect. I don’t mean to be a party-pooper. Maybe my standards are different. I am not saying love doesn’t exist, but it for sure should be more than gestures and sweet words. Everybody has their definition of love I suppose and that’s the beauty of it. Happy Valentine’s day! Here’s hoping your Valentine’s involves more than a bed, food and a TV series….Who am I kidding? I am spending Valentine’s with my parents.