The Cacophony

Right now I am still not good at quietening my thoughts, it's a mess up there, every thought overlapping the other, just a big pile of random worries. I have to pry it all apart, discard some and clean up the area and make room for something new. 

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The Celebrations

No one's going to always be up for my plans, and I have to respect that. So now I buy gifts by instinct, sometimes I call my presence a gift on really bad days and I just ensure that on days that I do feel up to it I do something genuine keeping them in mind. Celebrations only work if everyone wants to celebrate with you. If they're nice enough, every day can be a celebration.

The Emotions

Nothing about this gap year is "usual". The usual would be putting up the beautiful sceneries of where I am going, the success stories of things I have achieved and all the love from everywhere just pouring in. No, it's not "usual" because I feel a mess, everything is all over the place, my Instagram feed is barren and I can barely concentrate on a point on the wall when my Yoga instructor asks me to. 

The Spirituality

We all have something in us that keeps us going, and you can't switch it off. Biologists may think it's the heart but you know there are some things that are unexplainable. Some things just don't make sense no matter how you look at it, like the Stonehenge or the Bermuda Triangle. Why do you knock on wood? It's because you want to reassure yourself. 

The Scenery

But it's really my surroundings that influenced whether it was the bad memories or the good ones. Every decision I took was externally bound. I thought I was pushing the lid, but really I was jumping from one box to the next box. I am more self-aware now, and it's important I realised to see from both sides, that side that you love and the side that scares you, which is most probably your conscience speaking.

The Basics

When this whole ordeal began I couldn't help but feel alone, distressed and worried about myself. But as things began moving along and the world kept revolving, with or without me, I realised my privilege. The thing is, it's so easy to live in a bubble. There are people suffering more than us, but no, we're still more important than them in our minds. Actually, life is very simple, you just have to keep breathing. When you have the basics covered that's when you really start to see the relief.