The Time

Time flies they tell you but every second now seems longer than the last. It’s strange that a person like me is functioning on pause. I like having time for myself. I can sip my coffee, a few seconds longer. I can breathe in more air, and I can stretch a bit more. But having nothing particularly important to do scares me, more than the depression, more than life and a lot more than death.

It must be in my genes, watching my mother efficiently manage work and home, constantly working. Or I should have caught the cue, from my restlessness as a kid. I would keep running driving my parents mad, never sitting in one place ever. Those days flew by fast, my most carefree ones, I struggle to remember the details of. But the days when I could barely move an inch, ones so morose, my sadness almost contagious I remember those like fresh wounds.

As I sit here taking my time to write this, sipping my tea and pondering how to keep you interested in me, I feel bound by time. The clutches of time and routine are hard to break out of. But I have found that the only cure to monotony is spontaneity. As we grow up, we’re given perfect timelines, which no human has perfectly been able to break out of. There are some things that are certain, you will grow up for one. You will at some point get pimples and your period, and you will become an adult. We can’t escape this evolution. There are added conditions that come to this timeline in society, such as education, your job, marriage, etc.

The idea of taking a break, disrupts it all and a new timeline needs to be made. Despite having a year to pursue my interests, I still feel as if my time is running out, like sand in an hourglass. We are taught to respect time, to make the most of it. We’re never taught to take it easy. This world believes you’re doing well only if you’re doing something they relate to, everything else is a waste of time. Even in your education and jobs, you’ll come across this concept of deadlines as if the whole world will stop revolving around the sun if you miss one.

Why do we constantly create new stress-inducing environments? Right from when you’re a baby you need to put yourself to good use. You need to have a purpose, a reason. When we’re young and carefree you’re told to have dreams, and then you’re told that those cannot be your dreams. They have decided your dreams for you. And if by luck you happen to have a dream that matches their idea of you, then they chalk out a path for that dream completely missing out an important point. Your dreams can change, and it’s not wrong if they do. How many times have you heard people say that? I wanted to grow up and become a patient, funnily enough looking at my depression I definitely feel like one. I wanted to grow up and go to London, I achieved that, but then I realised I just wanted to go there and see the city, maybe I didn’t want to learn there and live there.

I will go back though, just not now, whenever, sometime in the future, I don’t know. They tell you the present is a gift, but you need to use it, you can’t just sit and do nothing. Time is important, tick, tock, tick, tock. Once you read this you’ll wonder about your time-bound life. If there’s really a purpose to life as they tell you, it’s more than following the calendar and counting down days, it’s more than that. It has to be.

Upon rooftops of lego cities

With dreams like I spy

I want to sleep between burger buns

Skip chocolate chips on chocolate rivers

I want to touch sequin stars

On blue velvet skies

Climb mountains made of whipped cream

It’s all a mirage

This world I am in

Hard work makes the wheel spin

My shoulders tired

From carrying regrets up hills

I am tired of all this grey

No lego cities just stone

No dreams just home

No sleep just clocks

No rivers left to cross

No stars just airplanes

No sky just smoke

No mountains just melting glaciers

It’s all a lie

Paintings will deny

The comfort of engine drones

It’s all a lie

A lie, a lie, a lie.

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One thought on “The Time

  1. Poonacha PG says:

    Only constant in this universe is change and you have brought it out brilliantly in this post. Made me go down my memory lanes also! Life and time are great opportunities to think, work and create new opportunities for us as well as others to excel and live well. You made my week end. Many thanks. Keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

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